See Through

the life & times of a perpetual student

Archive for the month “July, 2012”

3am thoughts.

Sometimes when I can’t sleep, the most faraway thoughts come to the surface. Things I haven’t thought about in years. It might just be a quick flash of someone’s face in my mind, or a name of someone I knew or barely knew, or an occurrence, usually not a positive one.

This morning as I was laying there blinking at the ceiling, this crosses my mind:

I’m in 8th grade math class. My teacher was Mr. Welton, a boorish man who nobody liked much because he cruised the hallways with a wooden paddle in his back pocket, and he loved to use it. I say cruised the hallway; he actually strutted around with that paddle. You could tell it gave him the greatest pleasure to use it, too. He’d line up the misbehaving boys and have them grip the railing by the stairs while he busted their asses as hard as he could.

You could hear the crack of the paddle echo through the hallways.

Anyway, last night at 3am I heard the teacher’s voice in my head:

“Nobody gave a shit about him anyway. Now he’s dying and everyone claims to be his best friend.”

He was referring to a kid who had overdosed at a party the night before and was in the hospital, nearly dead. His classmates (they were seniors) were interrupting my math class one by one, asking to be signed out for the day so they could go see him for what would probably be the last time.

I don’t know what made me think of this or why I’m even sharing it with you now.

I just find it odd, those words that were hard to digest as an 8th grader come floating up to the surface at 3am, 23 years later.


Summer break.

It’s summer break so I’m a mix between loving it and bored to tears. But I know it won’t last long and soon I’ll be back to the daily stresses of school, so I’m trying to make it last.

I’ve come here several times to blow the cobwebs off the blog, but usually I’ll just sit staring at a blinking cursor or I’ll write something and discard it. Things have been noisy lately. I unfollowed 100+ noisy people on Twitter thinking that might help some and I’ve been semi-quiet on Facebook. I’ve almost trained myself to stop reading comments, especially on news sites and Reddit. I try to quit staring at screens in the evenings to relax more. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Ah, the Internet. It’s stupid that it can be such a source of anxiety for me. Why does it have to be so full of beautiful and terrible things?

Oh! And news: So you already know I re-applied to the x-ray tech program, but I also applied at the last minute to the surgical tech program as a backup. While I won’t know the x-ray tech app outcome until mid-September-ish, I have already been accepted to the surgical tech program and can start next month. I spent several weeks thinking of nothing but this, day and night. After much careful consideration, I’ve decided to go ahead and start the surgical tech program. The pros to this outweigh the cons, the biggest one being I’ll be done with school NEXT SUMMER versus the 2+ years I was planning to spend studying x-ray. That in itself thrills me to no end. Also, I find surgery pretty thrilling too, so I’m excited to get this ball rolling.

Will I now hate my blog name? Probably. But I’ll get over it. Maybe x-ray can be my super power instead. “WHO CAN SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH PEOPLE & THEIR BULLSHIT? X-RAY STEF CAN!”


My mind has also been churning over staying in NC versus not staying in NC once I’m finished with school. After living here nearly 4 years, I’m getting that itch to move. The good part about that is, husband can work anywhere there is an internet connection, so we aren’t tied down at all. But this time, I’d like for it to go differently than when we moved to NC on a whim and I had a hell of a time finding work. Not quite sure on the location but have a few places in mind. Anyone know of any promising places for surgical techs to find entry level work?

I’m sad to report that my husband isn’t a lot better. He has rough days & not so rough days, but rarely any GOOD days.  But I’m happy to report that he was able to gain some weight, which is what the doctor ordered … and I’m well on my way to a 30 lbs loss! (I keep gaining & losing the same damn 3 lbs over & over again. Pounding down water & herbal tea daily, trying to get over the plateau).

Summer break has involved as much reading as possible. I’ll close this out with a list of what I’ve finished since June … what are you reading?

Gone Girl by Jillian Flynn

The Illumination by Kevin Brockmeier

Every Patient Tells a Story by Lisa Sanders

Brandwashed by Martin Lindstrom

You are Not So Smart by David McRainey

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin

Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann

Pulphead by John Jeremiah Sullivan

Before I Go To Sleep by S.J. Watson

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

Stress Pandemic by Paul Huljich

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Are we Goodreads friends yet? Add me

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